I have been so busy at work over the past few weeks. During the fall of 2007, Bruce McIntyre and I co-taught the Wednesday night adult class at Quail. During this time, I was forced to do a lot of reading and preparation for the class. Consequently, my spiritual life was more vibrant. But since the class ended, my reading has stopped and the pressures of work have escalated. I’ve been working longer hours – often 10 – 11 hours per day.
Last night, I took Tara out on a date to Cascata and to see the movie Atonement. Sitting in the restaurant (without Harper) I was able for, seemingly for the first time a long while, to be still and quiet. I was able to reflect more on my circumstance because my attention wasn’t being demanded by work, Harper, or fatigue. I’ll admit that I feel somewhat trapped in that I know I need to work hard, take care of Harper and Tara, exercise and get enough rest. More importantly I need to spend more time in contemplation, meditation and communion with God. But all this seems very daunting and near impossible.
My therapist and friend, Bill Spence introduced me to the idea of seasons of life. I know that people go through different seasons or phases in their lives. I am in the season where I am trying to build my career and grow my family, and that I should expect to be able to do it. That, however, offers me little comfort. I want to do it all. I’ve always wanted to do it all. It was the way I was brought up. Well, I’m clearly in need of more balance. I just don’t know how to get re-balanced. The easy answer is prayer and spending time with God. But in times like now I feel far form God. Gratefully, I do believe in him, but I just don’t seem to care all that much. …I think I’ll continue this idea in a different post.