Reflections on our miscarriage

King David committed a terrible sin against Uriah, the husband of Bathsheba by sending him to the front lines of a war for the purpose of having him killed to get him out of the way. He did this because he lusted after Bathsheba and wanted her for himself. The prophet Nathan came before David and revealed to him that he knew of David’s sin. He told David that his punishment would be for his new son, his child from Bathsheba, would die. David’s response to this is in 2 Samuel chapter 12.

David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them. On the seventh day the child died. David’s servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.” David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.” Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. His servants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!” He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

Though I do not believe the recent miscarriage in any way occurred due to some sin that Tara or I committed, I do strongly relate to David in his response. David was very sad and pleaded with God to spare the child. I was the same. I fervently prayed for the deliverance of my child. But God, in his wisdom, had another plan. I do not spite God. I hold no ill will toward him or anyone else. Though I miss and want my child to be with me, I trust in the will of the Lord. He directs my path.

Through this experience I have realized to a personal degree what it means to be refined by fire. I feel that God has blessed and honored me by taking me through this crucible. I am not in control. He is. And I trust that he leads me in paths that will enrich and prepare me to fulfill his plan for me. I don’t know what that plan is. As with all things in God’s plan, it will be revealed in the fullness of time. So I wait patiently on the Lord and I allow him to mold me and make me ever greater into his image.

These moments have made me more aware of the what many believers before me have understood. The Lord is to be praised and trusted no matter what happens.

One day when Job’s sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, a messenger came to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, and the Sabeans attacked and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The fire of God fell from the sky and burned up the sheep and the servants, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The Chaldeans formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came and said, “Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.”

In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. – Job 1:13-22

The day we found out that Tara had miscarried, we came home from the doctor. She went to sleep and following the example of David and Job, I took a shower to cleanse myself. I went into the office in our house and I worshiped God. I prayed for an hour, then I sang praises to him for another hour. I ran my tears dry and I could cry no more.

I felt redeemed. I felt cleansed. I felt honored. Of course, I miss my child and I will always mourn his loss, but I know as David did, that he cannot come back to me. However, I will one day go to be with him and all of us will be a family together forever with the Lord. This brings me contentment and hope.

More so, I feel connected to the past. I feel that my story is a complementary chapter in God’s story. Other chapters are about David and Job and I share the story with them. They are not just people from long ago. They are my family, my forefathers. We are all sons of God. This is why I feel blessed – because I am part of God’s ever-unfolding Word. I am nothing except what the Lord makes me. I have nothing but what the Lord gives me.

He gives and takes away. But in all things, blessed be the name of the Lord.

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One thought on “Reflections on our miscarriage

  1. Andy,
    Thank you for sharing this difficult moment. I grieved as well over the loss, but I knew the God of the Universe was still here with me, and with you and that He will make all things new. I love how you connected with the heroes of old and placed yourself on the “Kingdom Calendar,” God’s timeline. We are ALL in the story and we should start thinking that way.

    I can’t wait to see Ashwin in 2 weeks!!

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